Welcome to the Annual Ciderspace End-Of-Year Awards. Picture the scene: You're dressed in your best tuxedo or frock, depending on sex or inclination, at The Ritz in London. You've enjoyed a good meal with some excellent wine, you're feeling pleasantly full and slightly drunk and you've made a fool of yourself with the waitresses; now it's time for the Awards. Cue Helen Chamberlain (we tried to get Gabby Yorath but she wouldn't come) to present the awards.....


The Carl Alford Fat B*stard Of The Year Award :
Jan Molby


The Mohammed Al-Fayed 'No-one likes us, we don't care' Team Award :
Rushden & Diamonds


The Jeffrey Archer Award for services to the legal profession :
The Doc


The 'Only sing when you're winning' Trophy :
Reading FC supporters


The George Borg Plaque for the most respected visiting manager :
Brian Talbot


The John Fry Plain-Speaking Award :
George Coggen


The Sunday Sport Serious Newspaper of the Year Award :
The Western Gazette


The Ben Smith Lovely Hair Memorial Wig :
Steve Sowden and the 3 other volunteers who had their heads shaved in aid of Erection 2000


The England cricket team Useless Tossers Award :
England football team


The Ruud Gullit How To Make A Sow's Ear Out Of A Silk Purse Award :
Kevin Keegan


The Rachel Heyhoe-Flint Very Silly Name Award :
Erection 2000 Appeal Fund


The Victor Green Board of the Year Award :
Woking FC Directors


The Henrik Larson Commemorative Plaster-Cast :
Jamie Pitman


The Millennium Dome White Elephant Trophy :
The Madejski Stadium


The Dennis Wise Fair Play Award :
Gary Patterson


The Nigel Clough Son Of My Father Award :
Rob Lippiatt


The Special Trophy for being the Rushden & Diamonds of Premiership Football :
Manchester United


The Slumberland Orthopedic Bed Special Mattress :
Murray Fishlock


The 'Sh*t Ground, No Fans' Award :
Weymouth FC


The '1999 Nobody Wants You In Their League' Ashtray :
Barrow 1999


The Houdini Memorial Belt :
Welling FC (with three wins they now keep the trophy)


Scarborough's 'Player of the Year' :
Jimmy Glass


Fanzine of the Year :
A coverless Rushin 'n' Rantin


Forum of the Year :
Nene in Black


Loyal Fan of the Year (Joint Winners) :
Hayden Road Red; The Doc


Most Deleted Messages in Everyones' Mail Box :
Portman Dave


Hoax of the Year :
Yeovil College students talking to themselves on the Weymouth forum


The Diego Maradonna "Hand of God" Golden Glove :
Ben Smith


The Taxi Driver Association's Award for Away Fans :
Northwich Victoria supporters