Southport's Main Stand. The Paris of the North? Alright, calm down, calm down.

Southport is an ex-league club, relegated and replaced by Wigan in 1978. When you get to the ground there is very little evidence of the old league club that once stood there, with plenty of change having taken place in the past 30 years. Out on the main street you'll find the entrance to all of the clubs shops, offices and bars from the main facade which is effectively the back of the main stand. Parking is a little tricky, and is only available as on-street parking - there is absolutely no car park whatsoever. You'll find the welcome in the bar a sincere one, and getting served easy due to the orderly queue that is formed. If drink is not your thing there is supposedly a massage parlour close by where they can release all those pre-match tensions, and where they can ... errr ... perform other services. So we've been told. Once in the ground, there bizarrely appears to be segregation in force for all games, despite the design of the ground and the size and nature of the crowds making this an irrational decision. As a result you're stuck on a open terrace where there is zero atmosphere and where if you are playing in the winter, the sunset makes viewing the game a near impossibility.

With the exception of their more elderly support you'll not find anyone to talk to about those League days, as they spent 15 years in the Northern League without ever threatening to do anything except drop further until 1992-93 when they suddenly won promotion to the Conference. During their first three seasons they threatened big things, finishing third, fourth and sixth, but since then they have drifted and began flirting with the relegation zone until the departure of ex-manager Paul Futcher, who took them to a losing FA Trophy final at Wembley, and the appointment of former Liverpool and England defender Mark Wright as boss.

Wright's impact was immediate, dragging the Scousers up to a respectable 9th in the season he was appointed and then keeping them on the fringes of the championship race behind ourseves and Ru$hden the following season, though never really threatening to overtake the leaders. He had an uneasy relationship with Southport chairman Charles Clapham however, insisting that a part-time club - which Southport still is - would never again win the Conference and that if the club's ambitions was to match his own then full-time football was the only option. On gates averaging around 1,300 however Wright's ambitions were never going to afforded by the Scousers and it was no surprise to anyone - least to all Scouseports long-suffering supporters - when Wright resigned that summer to take over at 3rd Division Oxford United.

The Scousers turned to Phil Wilson, who had just taken Stalybridge Celtic up to the Conference. With no money to spend, supporter unrest abounding, and more player movement in and out of the Haig Avenue than virtually any other team in the Conference, he had an unenviable job to do in his first season at Haig Avenue - an eventual 15th place finish was, in retrospect, a considerable achievement.

Prediction corner :
To hell with false modesty, we were spot-on again in our forecast for Scouseport last season, just as we were the season before, saying that they would flirt with relegation but would be too good to go down - in the event they finished 15th, which is close enough in our opinion. This season the Scousers have strengthened their squad, bringing in the likes of Steve Soley from Carlisle, Europe's leading goalscorer from last season (honest) Marc Lloyd-Williams from Bangor, and striker Peter Thompson from Morecambe amongst others. At the time of writing (12 games into the season) they are 3rd in the table, 4 points behind the leaders (us!) and the only part-time side in the top 7. Can they keep their excellent start going over the whole season? We fear not. Like it or not full-time teams have a huge advantage over part-timers and Mark Wright's comments (see above) are likely to be proven true again. Despite our own appalling recent record against them we think Scouseport's challenge will fade over the winter and they'll finish just outside the play-off zone as the best of the Conference's part-time clubs. Final position - 8th.

From the North:
Exit the M6 at Junction (28),signed Chorley. Then take the B5248, which runs onto the A59 / A565. On reaching Southport, take the road named Preston New Road, at the roundabout. Follow this road until you reach a set of traffic lights. Go straight across to the road name Cambridge Road. Continue into Southport Town centre, proceeding down Chapel Street (one-way), Continue straight up until you reach a T-Junction (McDonalds is situated on your right). Turn left into Eastbank street, continue until you reach a roundabout. Go straight on into Scarisbrick New Road. Turn left into Haig Avenue, and the ground is on your right.

Local Pubs :

I’ve only been in the one opposite the station which is fine. Cheap, big, TV, pool table and an eclectic mix of extremely friendly natives that know football well enough to take the game apart and reassemble it wearing a blindfold. I mean, how many people in Woking know that Walker’s goal at Cambridge was always a shot and never a cross and how many could follow that insight by pointing out Steele was being misused positionally by McGovern - the man at the bar in Southport knew! Grass Roots Football - so much to answer for!

Likelihood the Natives Will Understand You :

High (they are all used to the BBC after all), but again your hosts’ conversation may present problems. Just remember 'la' means ‘lad’ or ‘mate’ and does not denote a musical note.

Top-Tip :

Bear in mind your proximity to Liverpool - keep your eye on your car!