Head for Morecambe's club bar which, let us tell you, is the place you want to be - inside the ground - not the awful outbuilding by the car park that has very little to do with the club. We've had some sessions when we've started up a song or two in the middle of their bar (complete with drums and trumpet) only for our hosts to have the cheek to start singing their own stuff. As a result things can get quite noisy and brash in there but never anything that would require the faint-hearted to reach for their angina pills.

Morecambe's main claim to fame, apart from having a dart-playing comedian as their most famous fan, and being named after a comedian famous for wearing glasses and supporting Luton (*cough* "Ars*nal!"), was being the only Conference side to have an international manager in charge of their team - Shrimpers boss Jim Harvey doubling as Northern Ireland's assistant manager; until Gary Johnson took over at Huish Park of course! We reckon being a proper ex-manager of Latvia trumps being the current assistant manager of Northern Ireland any day of the week....

Morecambe are relative newcomers to the Conference, arriving after finishing second to Marine in 1994-95. (Marine's ground was not up to Conference standards - and still isn't.) After a consolidating first season when they finished 9th the Shrimps have tended to have been either pretty good in a non-threatening kind of way with finishes of 4th, 5th, 3rd and last season's 6th place to their name; or pretty hopeless really with a 14th and a nadir of 19th place, only 2 points clear of relegation, to their name.

However after a few seasons of consolidation in the Conference there's now evidence that Morecambe are getting serious about making the next step up to Division Three. They've gone full-time over the summer, but are doing it the right way, bringing on youngsters from their succesful Academy side as well as adding experience to the squad - especially in defence - in the form of the highly rated Jim Bentley from Telford and Ian Swan from Leigh RMI. Young striker Robbie Talbot will be attracting attention from bigger clubs if he can keep up last season's goal-scoring exploits; but on the debit side they've lost 'Mr Morecambe', or TCTS [The Conference's Teddy Sheringham], John Norman, who's gone to Burscough (so presumably is now known as TUTS - you work it out).

Prediction Corner:
We're not shy about blowing our own trumpet here at Ciderspace so to hell with false modesty, this is what we predicted for Morecambe this time last year: "An LDV Vans Trophy place will be theirs, plus a good FA Trophy run, and they will finish 6th, or thereabouts." Hey, are we good, or are we good? Yes, we're good! In the event the Shrimps won that LDV Trophy place (woo-hoo!), got to the semi-finals of the FA Trophy and finished - you guessed it - 6th in the league. Just wish we'd put money on it now.... As for this term, the Shrimps can name as strong a first XI as there is in the Conference, but without strengthening their squad significantly we feel that a tilt at the title itself will be a step too far for them this season - a play-off place is well attainable however. Final position: 5th.

Local Pubs :

Everywhere. They’re all pretty dismal to be honest - typical seaside efforts : lots of plastic, fizzy lagers and bland cream-flows, and endless ready-mixed sh*te in bottles with names that would make a cat laugh, that hasn't taken people in through multi-million pound advertising campaigns...... oh no, not at all........ you really are the most cool trendy sophisticated person on the planet and part of the beautiful people if seen drinking them....... honestly! If that's your scene enjoy; we'll be drinking Jennings out of town at the Slyne Lodge.

Best recommendation we can find in town is the The Crown on the prom, the barmaids are worth the trip from Yeovil on their own we hear. If it's green and white company you are after the fans up for the weekend mainly stay at The York Hotel, which is on the road between the front and Christie Park. The landlord is a big Morecambe fan himself, and has added to the full-sized snooker table, pool table, excellent jukebox, cheap beer and TV lounge with a collection of pennants and scarves.

Fred's on the Ball, 231-233 Marine Rd Central, Morecambe, Lancashire. LA4 4BQ
Tel: 01524 410412

Kings Arms, Marine Rd Central, Morecambe, Lancashire. LA4 4BQ
Tel: 01524 410006

York Hotel, 87 Lancaster Rd, Morecambe, Lancashire. LA4 5QH
Tel: 01524 418226

The Crown Hotel, 239 Marine Rd Central, Morecambe, Lancashire. LA4 4BJ
Tel: 01524 831841

Likelihood the Natives Will Understand You :

High at the start of the day, highly unlikely by the end of your visit, in fact by the end of most visits to Morecambe I’d wager your own mother would find it tricky!

Top-Tip :

Stay for the weekend, it’ll be worth it. And don’t get the train - the service makes Frontier Land look, well, satisfactory, anyway.