Hayes Club Profile
Hayes are a particularly irritating club. With: hardly any supporters; no money-bags chairman; a ground in Church Road of the sort one sees increasingly rarely in the Conference - to wit, a ramshackle tip; losing almost all their best players every season because they have to sell to survive, or simply let them go because they can't afford more than the proverbial Mars Bar and a packet of crisps in wages; and a manager who's name no one can remember - they should have gone down with the Leeks and Wellings of this world long ago and let the flashy big boys get on with the real football. Yet they survive. In fact more than survive. Every season the power teams presume they'll walk all over them; and every season Hayes claim the scalps of a wide selection of far bigger clubs who take them too lightly. Never bet against Hayes. As we said: very irritating. But Ciderspace thinks that a few Hayes' in the Conference are a damned good thing to bring some of the more pretentious down a peg or two occasionally. They even have a proper nickname. Not some made up rubbish like The Sharks or some uninspired bore like 'Boro or Rovers but a completely authentic and ridiculous one: The Missioners.
Hayes have definitely been one of the Conference's over-achievers given their resources. Since coming up from the Isthmian in 1996 they finished 15th, 12th, 3rd and 11th. Whilst never looking likely to take the Conference by storm Hayes have rarely had more than the vaguest flirtation with relegation battles; until last year that is, when, after a fairly bright start, they grovelled just above the relegation zone from November onwards. By March they had hardly any matches left to play and looked almost certainties for the drop, but the teams below them couldn't capitalise on their games in hand. They survived in eighteenth by a couple of points in the end. Never bet against Hayes.
Much of Hayes' success is believed to come from two distinct sources. The most obvious first source is the two major transfers that have benefited them during the 1990's. One of them didn't directly involve their club! The six+ million pound transfer of Les Ferdinand, once a Hayes player, from Q.P.R. to Newcastle was a prime example of why making sure that, when you off-load your budding starlet to your local league side for a mere £30,000, putting in a nice sell-on clause is a good thing! The Hayes clause was believed to be 10%, and if true benefited Hayes by about £600,000. Add that to £250,000 which covered Jason Roberts' transfer to Wolves during the summer of 1997 and Hayes have had rather a nice nest egg for the past few years. So much so that the Ferdinand Executive Suite (pictured below) has probably been solely financed by the sale of one particular player. However this windfall has now been used up by all accounts and Hayes are finding things financially tougher. The discovery of another Les would do them nicely, but is a bit of a long shot.
Their other asset has probably been the no-name manager. Mr er, um, oh yes that's it Terry Brown is rarely if ever in the headlines. However although he's rarely heard outside of match day 90 minutes stood near the Church Road dug-outs will leave you regretting a lack of ear-plugs. The man comes from the Devil Borg / Graham Roberts Union of Professional Abuse Screamers and regularly out-shouts the whole of the Hayes home crowd [Errr .... how difficult is that ?? - Ed] once he gets going. Whatever: he's been pretty effective.
Once again Hayes have lost much of their team: Rocky Baptiste went before the end of last season to Luton Town. Although that didn't work out there was little hope that Hayes could attract him back, and they didn't - Farnborough Town the beneficiaries instead. In the close season a good half of the squad left; and like last summer all on frees. The Bosman ruling is a killer for clubs like Hayes. They did well to hold onto Paul Gothard, one of the best goalkeepers in the Conference, for as long as they did. His departure to Dagenham & Redbridge was a real blow. As usual Terry Brown had to cobble together some players at the last minute. But once again as the season started there was a team on the pitch. Never bet against Hayes.
The approaching Conference ground regulation changes are also likely to further squeeze Hayes' finances. As one of the teams without 'A' Grade status they will face the threat of expulsion from the league when that status becomes a compulsory requirement of Conference membership. Church Road is probably beyond redemption. Hayes are looking for an alternative site on which to develop a new stadium, but things doen't seem to be going to well on that front. And where the money will come from is anybody's guess.
It would be a foolish punter who bet against Hayes rubbing the noses of a few title pretenders in it again this season, but it's hard to believe they have the strength in depth to do more than survive. Never bet against Hayes? Oh well, Ciderspace is going to completely ignore its own sensible advice: Hayes to go down........ sadly.
Since that prediction was made before the start of the season Hayes have indeed rubbed a bigger boy's nose in the proverbial - unfortunately it was ours in the F.A. Cup. There won't be many travelling fans upset by the news that Ian Hodges, Yeovil's destroyer with a hat-trick in that game, is likely to be out on Saturday.
In the league game at Huish Park back in August the Glovers beat a Hayes side reduced to ten men in the second half 2-1, but not without some late scares. Never bet against Hayes.
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We've Met Before ...
|Hayes : We've Met Before|
|Previous Results for Yeovil Town First Team vs Hayes
|28/11/1931||Home||FAC1||W||3-1||Davin, Rankin, Molloy|
|13/12/1986||Away||VOL||W||3-1||163||Thorpe, Pearson, Zachhau|
|02/05/1988||Away||ACDF||W||3-1||2471||Doherty, Randall, Wallace|
|20/01/1998||Home||Conf||W||4-3||1705||Pickard, Patmore, Engwell, Stott|
|14/02/1998||Away||Conf||L||4-6||715||Patmore(2), Fielder, D Thompson|
|14/09/1999||Away||Conf||W||3-2||747||Hayfield 33, Foster 45, Patmore 78|
|18/12/1999||Home||Conf||L||2-4||2603||Skiverton 7, Patmore 38|
|26/09/2000||Away||Conf||W||3-2||707||Belgrave 7, Patmore 36, 61|
|24/03/2001||Home||Conf||W||3-0||3206||Own Goal 29, Steele 45, Belgrave 50|
|27/08/2001||Home||Conf||W||2-1||2782||Turner 36, Belgrave 74|
|26/01/2002||Away||Conf||W||4-0||708||Grant 26, Johnson 41, Brassart 66, Stansfield 71|
Results Summary For Yeovil Town First Team vs Hayes
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Telephone Number : (0208) 5734598
Fax : (0208) 573 2075
Clubcall : 0930 555968
Chairman : Derek Goodall
Press Officer : Trevor Griffith
Fixtures Secretary : John Bond
Team Manager : Terry Brown
Capacity : 6500
Seated : 450
Covered Terrace : 2000
Record Attendance : 15,370 v Bromley, FA Amateur Cup, 1951
Nickname : The Missioners
Colours : Red and white shirts, black shorts
Midweek Games Played : Tuesdays
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Directions To The Ground
Hayes Football Club is about half a mile north of Hayes Town Centre, just off the A4020 that
runs between Uxbridge and Ealing. If you can find the Adam and Eve pub on the A4020 then you
will find that the ground is signposted on the opposite side of the road. This trip is also a
good one to do by train as there is an excellent train service only 10/15 minutes walk from the
From The West and South : Leave the M4 at Junction 3, and head north onto the A312. Cross the first
large roundabout onto the Hayes bypass, then take the A4020 Uxbridge Road westbound.
After crossing three sets of traffic lights, turn left into Church Road (opposite the
Adam & Eve pub). The ground is on your right after approx 500 yards.
From The North : Leave M25 at junction 16, and head eastbound along the A40(M) towards London.
Pass over one large junction (Denham Roundabout) and under another (Swakeleys Roundabout).
Take next slip road (Hillingdon). At traffic lights turn right into Long Lane (A437).
At the traffic lights at the end of Long Lane turn left onto the Uxbridge Road (A4020).
Hayes is about two miles. Look for Adam and Eve pub alongside shops on the left. Turn
right into Church Road opposite. The ground is on your right after approx 500 yards.
Frequent service to Uxbridge on the Bakerloo Line, then a 207 bus to the Adam & Eve.
Hayes & Harlington is the nearest station, served by trains from London Paddington and Reading.
Turn right outside the front of the station, and walk through the shopping area to the end
of the pedestrianised area.Turn left into Botwell Lane. Just after the swimming pool, turn
right at roundabout into Church Road, and the ground is on your 500 yards on the left.
Total distance approx 1 mile.
Directions courtesy of
'The Botwell Missionary'
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Food & Drink
The Hayes Club Bar is often mistaken as being a real pub, and from the picture (right) it
is easy to see why. It is situated out on the main road, and is completely detached from
the ground, and unusually for most Conference club bars, it is a typical pub facade.
Once you get inside, there is a single bar, with various sub-rooms and corners, so if
you are looking for your friends, make sure you look in all the hidden corners around
the bar, particularly the small alcove to the right of the bar. To the left you can find
a sub-room that has a large screen television projector that often has Sky sports on,
plus a pool table.
Getting served is not always easy, as the size of the bar limits the number of
supporters that can be admitted. For games where large crowds are expected (not that likely
with Hayes!) it is worth checking that away supporters will gain admittance as we've been
refused entry before on that basis. Last season only the very early arriving Yeovil fans got in - as we arrived what we thought was nice and early for a pint or two and just got an extra three quarters of an hour in glamorous Church Road twiddling our thumbs as a reward for this foresight, as the doors were already locked that evening.
Generally no charge is made for entry, although wheelchair users can forget it; the
tight turn just inside the main door will defeat you [oh yeah?! -Ed]. We suspect that Yeovil fans may not get in for the F.A. Cup tie.
Hayes town centre boasts a number of dubious establishments, all sporting signs
incorporating skulls, cross-bones, cannons or guns, and displaying such welcoming names
as 'The Piratesí Gonads' or 'The Drill Sergeantís Arm Pit' (OK, so we may have exaggerated a bit but you get the idea). If you take our advice youíll give these a miss. The Tumbler and The Old Crown have a reputation. The Adam and Eve (pictured) is slighty less unwelcoming than some, but don't expect a red carpet. For those with ravenous appetites there is a Hungry Horse establishment, The Golden Cross (pictured right), around five minutes walk from the ground. It's rather better inside than the picture of the exterior suggests. It has Sky Sports on a big screen. We found the food better than the legendary Bell in Yeovil - same menu, but better prepared - but whilst there were real ales they weren't particularly well kept. Still, good enough to get our patronage this time around.
Right by the ground used to be The Royal Oak (pictured left). Well it still is right by the ground but unfortunately it's closed down. In general drinking in Hayes is a bit of an arse!
Likelihood the Natives Will Understand You :
High. So near to Heathrow they must be used to every accent, dialect and language under the sun.
Don't expect a 0-0 bore if you're a Yeovil fan. Oh, and never bet against Hayes!
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Local Guesthouses and Hotels
(a) Shepiston Lodge : 31 Shepiston Lane, Hayes, Middlesex, UB3 1LJ.
Phone: 0181 573 0266, Fax: 0181 569 2536
Prices : Single from: £32.50; Double from: £49.50 per room per night.
(b) Sheraton Skyline Hotel : Bath Road, Hayes, Middlesex, UB3 5BP.
Phone: 0181 759 2535, Fax: 0181 750 9150
Prices : Single: £175.00 (How much?! -Ed.) Double: £185.00 per room per night.
(c) Fountain House Hotel : 116 - 118 Church Road, Hayes, Middlesex, UB3 2LW.
Phone: 0181 573 5453, Fax: 0181 756 0391
Prices : Single from: £40.00; Double from: £50.00 per room per night.
Tourist And Other Local Attractions
Hayes is in London. London is the capital city of Great Britain and one of the top tourist
attractions in the world. If you can't find anything to do or see there then you
shouldn't even be there. As Dr Johnson said: When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. He probably wasn't referring to the Hayes part though.
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Last Updated 24th January 2002