Forest Green's Main Stand by night. The lights are on, but is anyone home?

Hello everyone, Cider Jaaarn here, I've only been asked by them nice chaps at Ciderspace to preview our games with the gumps, as it’s a bit wet up the allotment this time of year I’ve got a bit of time on me hands and thought why not, so 'ere goes;

Once again the festive season is upon us and our annual battle with our friends from deepest darkest Glaster is to take place. This particular holiday season never was one for the fans of Yeovil football, for many years the scummers from Whymuff and then the artisans from Barf have made the cold turkey indigestible. Now we have the Gumps, as they are fondly known, in their Barf look a like shirts.

Based near the top of a hill that Sherpa Tensing would wince at, they have defied the odds and the critics to remain in the conference for 5 years, no doubt the tendency of visiting players to suffer from altitude sickness has helped their cause. With crowds that rarely reach 1,000 it has been tagged a family club, whether more than a handful of families make up a usual attendance is open to debate. The Gumps have been around in one form or another since 1890, they have a bit of an identity crisis, they would like to think they are in the Cotswolds, in fact the area surrounding Nailsworth is an industrial wasteland, look out for the sheep hanging outside the pubs. So whenever they get fed up with being who they are they change their name, as they did to Stroud FC a few years ago. There is no doubt their rise up the non league pyramid has been a less arduous task than climbing that hill, you only have to go back to the mid 1970’s to find them in the Glaster County league. After that they got stuck in the lower division of the Dr Martens league for a few years, but once out of it spent just the one season in the Premier Division before moving up to the Conference. Although the league may have turned into an annual struggle they have reached two FA Trophy finals in recent years losing at both Wembley and Villa Park in 1999 and 2001. But go back to 1982 and you will see a Wembley victory in the FA Vase. Although their identity tends to change, their location has remained static, The Lawn, the home of the Gumps is a site to behold, if you liked football grounds in the sixties that is. The official FGR website says of it, "nothing more than a field surrounded by a Hawthorn Hedge". In fairness they are referring to 1890, whereas now it is nothing more than a field surrounded by a collection of tin sheds. You may find it hard to believe but they are now considering relocating to a site even further up the mountain.

As you would expect their team is a mixture of a few old pro’s and keen youngsters rejected by the pro game, they also have a productive youth system. The chubby little guy you might notice during the warm up session is not a mascot but their highly respected and agile keeper Steve Perrin, a great favourite of Yeovil fans who can often be heard calling out to him! The usual chant of ‘Yeovil reject’ will be in limited use this year, the only ‘reject’ in the Gumps line up is Alex Meechan, rejected 2 years ago by then Yeovil manager Colin Addison after a loan period at Huish. Funny old game. This year’s fixture has added spice, the Gumps manager Colin Addision, after failing to lead Yeovil to the promised land, was last seen leaving Yeovil with the criticism of Chairman Fry ringing in his ears. Addo responded with equal frankness and their meeting could provide more clashes than the midfield battle. I mention the midfield as it is an area of the pitch the Gumps seem to avoid, preferring to ‘lump’ the ball from defence to attack as swiftly as possible. If only the chubby little keeper would be so swift, at last season’s games I thought I was ill, my mind was racing ahead of events, but all was well, it turned out to be Perrin moving in slow motion at every goal kick.

As is usual we approach these games with the Gumps at the wrong end of the table and us with hopes of greater things and future festive fare of Bournemouth, Bristol Rovers or Exeter City. Will this count for anything at 3.00pm on Boxing Day, no not a sausage (or chipolata), they will raise their game (not difficult), we will look at the cabbage patch of a pitch, feel the icy wind and an even contest should ensue. I recommend the Boxing Day encounter to any Yeovil fan that has not ventured up that hill, The Lawn will have a buzz of expectation and although the battle will not be pretty a warm welcome awaits you (if not me) in the clubhouse next to the stadium! 50p will see you admitted to a facility that will seat 120 and provide liquid and solid refreshment at a reasonable price.

New Years day will see the battle recommence, Nailsworth will be deserted as hordes of fans head south for their annual treat, the palatial surroundings of Huish Park, plastic tip up seats, non crumbling concrete and an atmosphere. You won’t be able to book a taxi or minibus in the Stroud area until 7.30pm at the earliest. Even when they do well at Huish, which is fairly often, the Gumpers tend to be a bit quiet, I reckon they be a bit shy, you will notice this if you have visited the clubhouse the previous week. They huddle in groups and peer over their glasses at they strange folk from the big town. Points for both sides are vital for different reasons, we would like a maximum 6 they would settle for 3, one thing for sure we won’t all be happy when it is all over.

No doubt Ciderspace records department will add the record of our past meetings to these mutterings, I would prefer not to dwell on such matters and look to the future now, it’s only just begun!!

Cider Jaaarn

Prediction corner :
We predicted a 16th place finish for FGR last season - in the event they ended up in 18th place. They ought to go down really. They've got very limited support, no money, no nothing really except for bucketloads of heart and pride - plus there's three sides that are, in our not-so humble opinion, worse than them. Final position: 18th (again!)

From the M4 - leave at Junction 18, take the A46 towards Stroud for 15 miles to Nailsworth. In the centre of Nailsworth, just before the Clock Tower, take the left turn (signposted Forest Green and Nympsfield). The Lawn is about half a mile up the hill and on the left.

Parking - Early arrivals can use the car park in the College building next to the ground. Otherwise use the streets in the residential area around the ground or leave the car in Nailsworth and take the bus [a bus on Boxing Day - I don't think so!] to the ground.

Looking for food in Gloucestershire on Boxing Day is like going to the Wessex Stadium expecting to see good football - a waste of time (see below). The last couple of years all the food at The Lawn has sold out within minutes of the match kicking off. The desperate scramble for the few chocolate bars left in the bar at half-time almost reached riot proportions.

Local Pubs

The recommended Real Ale pub in Nailsworth (well in Newmarket according to the landlord) is the George Inn. I won't mention it does Taylor Landlord (yum), a very nice local Uley brew called Old Spot, and............ because it won't be open on Boxing Day (much wailing and knashing of teeth). If, as a lot of Yeovil fans will be, you are coming in down the A46 from Stroud two pubs in Woodchester are just off the route. The Ram Inn and the Royal Oak are both signed from the main road. Good beer is guaranteed, but if you want to eat the Ram was only doing one set meal and expects you to book, and the Royal Oak wasn't doing food at all on the 26th.
The year before we found some good beer (the aforementioned Old Spot) and food in a pub in Tetbury, which is about five miles south-east of Nailsworth. Trouble is it also wasn't doing food last year.

The best we came up with last time was the Lord John in Russell Street, Stroud. The beer was fine, they did decent cider, but the food - lots of things 'off' the standard Wetherspoon menu which is pretty boring at the best of times - wasn't really up to the mark. Doubtless some excuse about it being Boxing Day.........

For an insiders view of Forest Green, Nailsworth and Stroud, the Unofficial Forest Green Web Site 'Paranormal In The West Country' has a guide to the area that can be found here.

Likelihood the Natives Will Understand You :

Low, their tongue is less of a local dialect and more of a foreign language. And one in which less people can converse than use Cornish.

Top-Tip :

Take your turkey sandwiches if you want more than a packet of crisps.